Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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