I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
