His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
