I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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