wrigley field is MILF paradise
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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