I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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