I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
