I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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