Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
