just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
