Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
