I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
