my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
