I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
