i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
