Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
