I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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