You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
