His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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