she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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