bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
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