when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
