Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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