First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
and she was petting her beer can
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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