He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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