True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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