Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
