I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Randomize
