Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
