I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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