I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
...so i touched it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
