remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
