dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Help. Why am I so naked?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
