Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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