just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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