Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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