Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
