Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
