i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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