if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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