I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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