the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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