Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
