i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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