i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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