we have pet lesbian snakes
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
