i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
