I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
