I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
We need to rekindle our bromance
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Randomize
