I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My vagina is officially offended.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
