Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
