I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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