Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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