Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
