Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
