i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
