There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
