I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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