I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
