I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
