Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
