i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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