put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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