My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
