rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
