I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
