Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Dick very happy bro
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
