He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Text me some of your sweat
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
