You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
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