She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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