Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
