____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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