Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
