My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
