So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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