since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
